Finally

After a few days of the returned humidity, today the weather finally gave in and the rain has begun. Woooohoo! I didn't even hear it but Zachariah saw it out his window in the room.

I asked Zachariah if it was still raining and he said "It's raining faster". Cute! It's interesting to hear how a child chooses the word they'll use. I'd say "it's raining harder". Faster makes sense too.

Today I pondered why, despite knowing the tendencies most common in parenting the baby of the family, I'm falling into the trap of not being as firm. I know Zachariah is too cute for his own good. It's not even that though. I think it's because I don't have as much energy as I did when I only had one child, or then two. I just don't have it in me to put up the fight.

I say that as almost every single wall in our apartment is now covered in his artwork. I need to motivate myself because I don't want to fall into the trap of being easier or less consistent.

So far away

Ridin' restless under broken sky,
Weary traveller, somethin' missin' inside,
Always lookin' for a reason to turn around.
Desperate for a little peace of mind.
Just a little piece of what I left behind:

It's Closing Time....

I've been thinking about this for the past week or so. When I was in high school, I knew that I wanted to go away to school. It wasn't a small urge, I HAD to get out of Portage.

Reflecting on that need to leave, I was trying to figure out why I felt that way. I had a GREAT relationship with my parents. I had lots of family in town and my life was good. Being a first born, overachiever, people pleaser, I got to wondering this week if I wanted to leave, not because I couldn't stand where I was, but because I wanted to experience more, have more freedom experiencing new things.

At home, I'd like to think I was pretty good about honoring my parents and following the rules. It wasn't so much a burden to either, it was just part of who I was. Perhaps I didn't want to stay, have the urge to "live more" and that put a strain on my relationship with my parents. I didn't want to disappoint or push buttons.

The funny thing is, by "live more", I'm talking about things like going to the movies and not having that "what are you going to see" question lurking. What if I wanted to stay out til 1am? haha While I'd like to think I was a good kid and more leniency could have been extended, I wasn't angry that it wasn't, I just wanted to put myself in a position to where I didn't need to
ask.

What's ironic about that is, I went to a private Christian college with a curfew. Mom still tried to monitor that from home. She'd called, back in the day, prior to cell phones and I didn't answer my dorm room phone. I'd call back and get the third degree about my Target shopping trip. ;)

Now, anyone that knows my mom knows she does this with people she loves. She's not trying to give me the third degree. She's just curious. We eventually grew in our long distance relationship and she learned I wasn't going to call and give her an update on my every hour and I learned to just answer the questions.

Being the introvert that I am, it's funny to think I was so adamant about going away. It makes no logical sense. My time at NCBC/NCU was priceless though and as much as I had to get away, I feel the need to be close to them now. The priceless investment my parents make in my children lives and our lives is something I'd never want to pass up.

This is not a well written, or inspiring blog post. I felt the need to share something though and this has been on my mind. If you went away to school, what prompted your desire. If you didn't, but still went to school, what prompted your desire to stay close to home?