One Size Doesn't Fit All

The word religion grinds on my nerves. I hate it. Probably because I've heard many a person say "I'm religious" or "I'm spiritual". This can mean they believe a god exists or that they practice tarot card reading. Neither means they serve God.

Back to the book I mentioned a couple of posts ago, "A Contrarian's Guide To Knowing God", the second chapter is titled Religion or Relationship?. We, as Christians, get good at reminding people that Christianity isn't a religion, it's a relationship. However, Osborne brings up a good point.

Just look at our models of spiritual formation. Almost all our books, seminars, workshops, and programs are heavily weighted toward religious practice and self-discipline. They show us how to do religion in hopes that it will produce relationship.

Ouch. Another thought worth pondering again.

But religion and relationships have little to nothing in common. Religion places a major emphasis on rules and rituals that are supposed to either manipulate God or earn His favor

.

Osborne believes that the obvious sign that something is religion and not relationship is when it presents a "one size fits all" approach. He backs up this belief with some stories about relationships. A friend who had a very happy, loving, successful marriage found himself alone when his wife passed away. When he remarried, some of his friends were surprised. His new wife was so different than the first. They enjoyed doing things that he and his first wife didn't. While long walks in the park and reading together helped his first marriage blossom and bloom, the second was full of adventure in the outdoors.

Osborne asks the question:

Now, imagine if Matt had insisted on doing marriage with his second wife exactly as with the first - the same communication patterns, the same special moments, the same interpersonal rituals.

.....

Obviously Matt is just one person, the same guy in each of his two marriage. But his wives weren't the same.

How does this apply to relationship vs religion? Well, we all tend to claim we value relationship more. We foster our relationship with God and we want others to do the same. However, when how one person fosters that relationship doesn't look like the way we foster ours, we tend to get a bit critical, even judgmental. I know I do.

It's no different in our relationship with God. Certainly, He's always the same, but we're sure different. And something tells me God doesn't just put up with our differences, He savors them - and adapts to them. After all, He's the one who created all these unique traits, even those we aren't so fond of in others.

Can I just insert a

smiley here?

The above bolding was my emphasis. If God doesn't just put up with our differences but rather savors them, why do we get so huffy and puffy when someone isn't lining up with OUR view of things. It's not that they're not lining up with the Bible. No, it's just not lining up with what we think.

What about family relationships. Osborne shares the differences between his relationship with his father and his brother's. Both close, strong and valid relationships. However, they were both developed and strengthened by different means.

He shared that there was one dad, one set of house rules, however uniquely different ways of relating. House rules said "Stay out of trouble, do your homework, be home before curfew, go to church, and make sure mom or dad knows where you are and who you're with" These were the same for everbody. That's the way it is with God. The house rules are the clear commands of Scripture. Osborne points out the examples of forgiveness, honesty, no sex before marriage as clear commands or house rules.

Like most relationships though, Osborne's parents had a flexible set of guidelines and expectations for the different kids. While the rule was "do your homework", a tendancy to procrastinate for one child might lead to the guideline of homework first-play later. Yet, the child who regularly received good grades might get a "get it done whenver you want" freedom.

What about quality time? One son talked to his dad. About everything. As far as that son saw it the key to a great relationship with dad was talking. The other son, they spend time going to football games and talking statistics and plays. This son is sure the key is doing activities with dad.

Neither son had a hard time fostering that relationship and both had success at it. Dad loved each of his boys greatly and he didn't want them to be anything that who they were.

This chapter challenged to me to think about our one size fits all approach to relaltionships in the name of faith or religion. Our formulas and recipes might just have to be tossed out and as Osborne points out:

We must recognize them for what they are - mere religion in the guise of relationship.

Hmmm. Some verses to think on.

Romans 14:1-6, 13, 17-18, 22

Romans 15:7

From The Message (a paraphrase, not a translation)

^2-4For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ's table, wouldn't it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn't eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God's welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.