Battle of the Bulge

Last Christmas, we had our family picture taken. I looked at them and was really unhappy with how I looked. Of course, up until that point, I'd just assumed all my pants were shrinking from having been dried in the dryer, not because I'd put on weight. haha

Seeing myself, I hated how my face looked chubby and I didn't feel like I looked like me. I kind of felt the need to lose some weight. I didn't weigh myself often at that point. I had gone to the doctor early this year though and she pointed out that I'd put on a couple of point since the last time. I had gotten up the point where I was almost at my delivery weight with Ekaterina. It was embarrassing.

I started exercising and watching what I ate. Nothing drastic. Just smaller portions. I lost about 7 pounds before going on vacation to Florida in June. On vacation, I lost 2 more. I ate a TON but I was walking so much. Hours out of my day were spent walking and swimming. I loved being able to eat so much and yet still lose.

I came back and held about the same. A few weeks ago, I joined weight watchers. I haven't had HUGE success but I have lost a few more pounds. I haven't had more success because I haven't been rigid. It's all me, not WW. Still, I'm happy to have lost more. I'm down 5 pounds from my after vacation weight. That's 14 pounds since the doctor told me I'd "gained a couple" ;) .

Over the last week or two, I've really struggled with the concept of not just losing weight but maintaining weight. It's hard and quite honsetly, not really all that fulfilling on my stomach. It might be fulfilling for the mirror or my pictures (and even only sometimes then) but I hardly ever feel really that happy with what I'm able to eat to be healthy and not gain.

It is kind of sad to think about how much food consumes my thoughts. As I have a bag of candy (combined from three kids worth of 2 trips of trick or treating) sitting in my kitchen, it's been very tempting. I don't know if it's because I'm actually watching what I eat and I'm not supposed to have it or if it's because I really want it.

So there you have it. That is my struggle. I like food. I don't like giving it up. I LOVE being healthier and I really enjoy fitting back into the pants that I thought that shrunk when really it was just me that gotten bigger. ;)

I've tried three times now to upload pictures. All three times, they put my text, get added in a different order.

GRRRR. No photos for now.