Forever is a long time

“We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears.”

Interesting quote. I wonder if it proves true more often than not? I was having a conversation about marriage vows the other day. At the height of love and wedding planning, the words that we plan to say to our future spouse on our wedding day are ones that I think most mean with as much context and understanding as they have.

I'll be honest, when I said my version of in "sickness or health", I was thinking, chances are, we'd be more healthy than sick. And by sick, it probably meant a nasty cold or the flu. I didn't ever think we'd have to battle cancer together, or one of us be paralyzed in an accident. Those things just don't come to mind.

And when I said something like "richer or poorer", I'll be honest. I never figured we'd be rich or well off, but I can't say that I thought we'd have to face a year where James was unemployed for several months. That happens to "other people".

There are more examples I could give but they're a bit personal. Looking back, if we had to include the ugly in marriage in our vows, I don't know I could really utter them and have meant them the way I naively meant the ones I did say.

In the over 9 years of marriage I've experienced, I'd like to say, I've grown. I've lived, and loved more. That I better understand what making vows to love and be with someone forever. Perhaps I do understand that better, but I also understand how much fights against a marriage these days. While the challenge of in laws or dirty socks can feel rather moutainess at times, I've come to understand that when something bigger than dirty socks comes in and rocks your world, you have a choice.

You either choose to keep loving or you don't. Love is beautiful in the hearts and flowers of new love, but I think it's even more beautiful when you can love in the really ugly times.