One Size Doesn't Fit All

The word religion grinds on my nerves. I hate it. Probably because I've heard many a person say "I'm religious" or "I'm spiritual". This can mean they believe a god exists or that they practice tarot card reading. Neither means they serve God.

Back to the book I mentioned a couple of posts ago, "A Contrarian's Guide To Knowing God", the second chapter is titled Religion or Relationship?. We, as Christians, get good at reminding people that Christianity isn't a religion, it's a relationship. However, Osborne brings up a good point.

Just look at our models of spiritual formation. Almost all our books, seminars, workshops, and programs are heavily weighted toward religious practice and self-discipline. They show us how to do religion in hopes that it will produce relationship.

Ouch. Another thought worth pondering again.

But religion and relationships have little to nothing in common. Religion places a major emphasis on rules and rituals that are supposed to either manipulate God or earn His favor

.

Osborne believes that the obvious sign that something is religion and not relationship is when it presents a "one size fits all" approach. He backs up this belief with some stories about relationships. A friend who had a very happy, loving, successful marriage found himself alone when his wife passed away. When he remarried, some of his friends were surprised. His new wife was so different than the first. They enjoyed doing things that he and his first wife didn't. While long walks in the park and reading together helped his first marriage blossom and bloom, the second was full of adventure in the outdoors.

Osborne asks the question:

Now, imagine if Matt had insisted on doing marriage with his second wife exactly as with the first - the same communication patterns, the same special moments, the same interpersonal rituals.

.....

Obviously Matt is just one person, the same guy in each of his two marriage. But his wives weren't the same.

How does this apply to relationship vs religion? Well, we all tend to claim we value relationship more. We foster our relationship with God and we want others to do the same. However, when how one person fosters that relationship doesn't look like the way we foster ours, we tend to get a bit critical, even judgmental. I know I do.

It's no different in our relationship with God. Certainly, He's always the same, but we're sure different. And something tells me God doesn't just put up with our differences, He savors them - and adapts to them. After all, He's the one who created all these unique traits, even those we aren't so fond of in others.

Can I just insert a

smiley here?

The above bolding was my emphasis. If God doesn't just put up with our differences but rather savors them, why do we get so huffy and puffy when someone isn't lining up with OUR view of things. It's not that they're not lining up with the Bible. No, it's just not lining up with what we think.

What about family relationships. Osborne shares the differences between his relationship with his father and his brother's. Both close, strong and valid relationships. However, they were both developed and strengthened by different means.

He shared that there was one dad, one set of house rules, however uniquely different ways of relating. House rules said "Stay out of trouble, do your homework, be home before curfew, go to church, and make sure mom or dad knows where you are and who you're with" These were the same for everbody. That's the way it is with God. The house rules are the clear commands of Scripture. Osborne points out the examples of forgiveness, honesty, no sex before marriage as clear commands or house rules.

Like most relationships though, Osborne's parents had a flexible set of guidelines and expectations for the different kids. While the rule was "do your homework", a tendancy to procrastinate for one child might lead to the guideline of homework first-play later. Yet, the child who regularly received good grades might get a "get it done whenver you want" freedom.

What about quality time? One son talked to his dad. About everything. As far as that son saw it the key to a great relationship with dad was talking. The other son, they spend time going to football games and talking statistics and plays. This son is sure the key is doing activities with dad.

Neither son had a hard time fostering that relationship and both had success at it. Dad loved each of his boys greatly and he didn't want them to be anything that who they were.

This chapter challenged to me to think about our one size fits all approach to relaltionships in the name of faith or religion. Our formulas and recipes might just have to be tossed out and as Osborne points out:

We must recognize them for what they are - mere religion in the guise of relationship.

Hmmm. Some verses to think on.

Romans 14:1-6, 13, 17-18, 22

Romans 15:7

From The Message (a paraphrase, not a translation)

^2-4For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ's table, wouldn't it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn't eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God's welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.

Contrarian Thinking

My husband, James, has been on a reading binge lately. Partly, imo, because the places that should be ground for him to experience growth, have been barren and dry. He's searching and trying to find ways to stretch himself and learn something. He's inspired me a bit because I just don't read books much anymore. I prefer reading material that I can sit down with and get through in one sitting....think magazines and newspapers.

Well, he received a book from a friend for free. It's by Larry Osborne and it's called A Contrarian's Guide to Knowing God: Spirituality for the Rest of Us. He read it a while ago and would read me bits and pieces that struck him. I thought it was a book that I'd like to digest.

We're currently at a pretty conservative church and not thinking like the guy in charge often is associated with not thinking correctly and even rebellion. I think Larry might be onto something.

Larry says:

It's the end result that matters, not the pathwe take to get there. If something produces a great walk with God for you, it's a great path to take. If not, it's probably a waste of time, even if lots of other folks highly recommend it.

How true! Larry's not talking about "whatever path" in the all paths lead to the same place. Please know he's talking about the tools we use. What may work for someone, might not be what God has called me to. God is such a personal God and because He created me and knows me, He knows how I will best grow.

He goes on to say:

The way we're wired really matter. Whenever we project what works for us onto everyone else, we create frustration and legalism.

Ouch.

What about these methods we're told are requirements. We should do x and x and x and it will equal the highest of spiritual maturity and the holiest of Christians. We must pray for hours on end, read the Bible and the scholars and throw in the latest trend in Christian books.

Osborne brings up the subject of all of this reading. Where did that leave those before the press was invented. Were they never able to obtain an intimate and true relationship with their Maker and Saviour? What about dislexics? Are they doomed to mediocrity in their walk with Christ?

Sure makes one think.

Osborne continues:

I was also puzzled by our widespread emphasis on proper doctrine as central to having a good relationship with God . . . that caused me to wonder if sound doctrine is perhaps more the result of knowing and pleasing God than the primary and indispensable first step before He shows up.

I was blessed enough to be able to attend a Christian college where I felt the freedom to explore my faith as a young adult. I took the time to wade through what I was always told, what had been taught to me, and what I spent time talking to God about and searching and searching for more information on.

Those years of searching and growing were important for me as an individual to validate my true personal beliefs. Not ones that had just been passed down but ones that I took ownership for. I find that knowing doctrine is important because I feel inadequate to share my faith if I don't even understand it. But I think Larry shares a good point. Maybe sound doctine is a result of my relationship with God than my relationship a result of sound doctrine.

Those were simply some thoughts on Chapter 1. So much to chew on. So much to think about. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please share if you have any.

I Will Sing Praise

A refreshing song reminding me of God's goodness and faithfulness and my need to praise him in every season and every valley.

Desert Song by Hillsong United

-VERSE 1-
This is my prayer in the desert,
When all that's within me feels dry,
This is my prayer in my hunger and need,
My God is the God who provides.

-VERSE 2-
And this is my prayer in the fire,
In weakness, or trial, or pain,
There is a faith proved more worth than gold,
So refine me, Lord, through the flame.

-CHORUS-
I will bring praise,
I will bring praise,
No weapon formed against me shall remain.
I will rejoice, I will declare,
God is my victory and He is here.

-VERSE 3-
This is my prayer in the battle,
When triumph is still on its way,
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ,
So firm on his promise I'll stand,

-REFRAIN-
All of my life, in every season,
You are still God,
I have a reason to sing,
I have a reason to worship,

-VERSE 4-
And this is my prayer in the harvest,
When favour and providence flow,
I know I'm filled to be emptied again,
The seed I receive, I will sow.

10 Things About Me

My friend, Susanne, tagged me in her blog. I'm supposed to share 10 Things About Me.

How deep or how silly they're supposed to be, I don't know. ha ha

1. I started this blog because my husband's profession is one where I don't always feel free to be who I am or say what I desire to. Here is a place where I feel a bit safer.

2. My life feels unsettled.

3. I'm currently participating in the 30 Day Challenge. Dh and I are..... you get the point. Every day, for a month. :) A friend of mine decided to go for 60 days and then decided they were going to aim for 365 days. Whew, that's dedication. Sorry if this is TMI. ;)

4. I have a love for my parents that I wish more people had for theirs. I couldn't have asked for a better childhood. My parents gave me an example of such unselfish living and extravagant love. I fail miserably at being as unselfish and extravagant.

5. I'm stubborn, strong-willed, vocal, and not impressed by those that use power and intimidation. I hope to use these qualities that can be dangerous for good though.

6. My heart longs to go to Rome with James. One day, somehow...

7. I'd love to go on another mission trip someday.

8. I eat salt on my watermelon, peanut butter instead of syrup on my pancakes, and use flavored coffee creamer instead of milk in my french toast "batter".

9. I've recently lost about 10 pounds. Slowly. I hope to lose at least another 10.

10. I have a desire that I've expressed to God. I feel very inadequate with my prayers though lately.

I have no one to tag. :) The two ladies I follow have already done this. If you read this by chance, feel free to tag yourself and post a link in my comments so that I can check out your blog.

Teardrops In My Coffee Cup

Here recently, my dad invited me to join him for a cup of coffee at Denny's. Well, I ended up ordering some cheese fries too. I always think I will try something from that restaurant and always end up disappointed. The price of the food is not justifiable for the quality. Blech.

Anyhow, my dad is the sensitive type. He wants to be around his family and he wants to share his dreams with them and wants to listen to their dreams too. He's always been the kind of person that cries when a friend cries and rejoices when they rejoice. He's sincere and so uplifting.

We were talking life and at one point he asked me what was different about life at North Central. He hears me talk a lot about my experience at NCU and I speak of it with such fondness. Sometimes, I am sure I give off the vibe that I yearn for my days there and sometimes, I think I would love to go back and relive it a bit.

Aside from being able to become who I really was and not who people just saw me as (not Tom's daughter, not a pastor's kid, not the firstborn overachiever), I got to experience my faith in a way that I had never experienced it before.

At NCU I attended chapel daily some semesters and others, just on the days that I had classes. Chapels were good but I lived for Wednesday nights at 9:30pm. 9:30pm brought student led Praise Gatherings. These were services that were a time of worship. They weren't planned services with formalities. Just a bunch of young 18-25 year olds, singing their hearts out.

Since I graduated, I've looked for that place where I sensed God's presence in the way I did there.

Over a cup of coffee at Denny's, tears coming down my face, I answered Dad's question. What was so different about NCU? What was different was that it was a Bible College. A place full of men and women who felt called into ministry. Individuals who were called to be pastors and worship leaders and teachers of the Word. The music program there was full of students majoring in worship leading. Not because they just felt it would be fun but because they felt from God, a call on their life to lead people into the very presence of God. At NCU, we sang songs written by these students. I told my dad that I thought that "the church' at large who were stuck singing songs from 1987 or 1995 even were being bad stewards. God hasn't just called us to be good stewards of our money but of our time and talents too. If we are still living back in 1985, we are neglecting to use the very thing He has given us NOW.

As tears continued, I told my dad, "God didn't stop creating David's back in the Old Testament". I was walking the halls of NCU with modern day Davids. Modern day Moses' and Pauls and Peters and Johns.

Every time I think of the beautiful Psalms and songs that God is giving those students now, I cry thinking I'm missing out. I'm missing out on what God is pouring out right here and now. Anyone trained can pick up some sheet music and play a song, but when you get to experience the ministry of a David living right now, wow.

Remember Saul, how he would have David come and play and his spirit would be calmed? When someone has that calling on their life. That gifting that comes only from God, you know. There is no denying it and it's hard not to be so very thankful to our Father for blessing us with others who can encourage us in our faith and join with us in adoration to our King.

I miss those evenings at Praise Gathering. 9:30pm could never come too soon and the last song, whether at 11:30pm or 1 am, always came too early. I treasure those moments. Whether sitting in my seat writing in my prayer journal, raising my hands and voice in surrender, or kneeling at the altar praying with my closest friends. Those moments where my heart was soft, my heart and ears opened to God's voice, and the very tangible presence of God in the room....they will always be dear to me.

Law or Preference? Necessary or Personality?

Lately, I've been meditating on an issue that keeps coming up for me. Being in ministry, often times, everyone's eyes are on you. I've noticed many stylistic differences between churches, pastors, leaders, and teachers through the different churches I've attended, pastors I've worked with, leaders I've partnered with and teachers I've placed in classes or sat under.

There are many books out there to tell you the right way to do things. The best way. The most cutting edge way. Most of it is personal preference, personality coming into play.

I'm a bit of a vocal person. I don't hide my emotions. I don't keep everything private and put walls up around me unless a specific circumstance requires one.

It's been implied to us that we are doing things wrong. That it's not right for us to be who we are because it's not like them. I think as pastor's and leaders and people in ministry, we need to be careful that we are not making up rules and acting like they are Scripturally based. We shouldn't place limitations on people that are personality differences. We should hold Scripture and the Bible as truth and we should teach it as such.

Let us not use our positions to falsely condemn others or place the expectations of or comfort with ourselves on them. We can't claim preference as gospel.

it's been a while

Since I've read a book cover to cover. I like being able to read something start to finish in a sitting but I don't always have much time to do that so I avoid starting one altogether.

James likes to keep reading material in the bathroom. I picked up one of his books and started reading it. I think I might try to read the whole thing. Just in the first chapter and a half, I could sit there and think on the things I read.

I was thinking my friend, Susanne might enjoy reading it actually. I'd like to post some about it here but today I don't have time. Time to exercise and get some things done. Busy, busy week.