-eds for the weekend

Watched: a lame Lifetime movie. Finished it because I started it. haha

Cried: when my mom told me grandma was diagnosed with Leukemia on Thursday.

Laid: in bed this morning now wanting to get out

Kissed: the cheek of little Leah today when she, Mo, and her mommy and daddy came to visit us.

Prayed: when I took a shower because it was a moment of peace and quiet that I had

Wished: on a clock that showed 11:11. Yes, I still do that. haha

Wondered: how God was going to accomplish what's before us

Addressed: more letters

Mailed: said letters

Smiled: at the story Ekaterina wrote and Octavian illustrated this week

Swallowed: meds to try to take the pain out of my head several times this week

Loved: my husband even more after 9 years than I did the day I married him

Laughed: at countless things this week

Pushed: Zachariah and Tavian on the tire swing

Chatted: with a friend I haven't seen in a while

Planned: for our trip this week

Complained: about the p.r.o.c.e.s.s. that seems to take forever

Thanked: friends for partnering with us

Walked: to bed to rest my body (goodnight!)

Where's My Muchness?

You're not the same as you were before. You were much more...muchier. You've lost your muchness. (The Mad Hatter, Alice in Wonderland, 2010)

Somedays, I can relate. I resolved to be more patient and understanding and kind with my words towards my children at the beginning of January but as events unfolded, and now months have passed and I'm challenged by our circumstances, I find that I'm failing at my goal.

Easily frustrated and sometimes a person who doesn't even like herself.

Maybe part of what causes me to become frustrated and lose my cool is that I've lost my muchness. In doing all of the things that are required of me to be mom or wife, I misplaced Carmen. Somedays, I feel like I'm all hat. You've probably heard the illustration before. As a mom or wife we wear so many different hats during the day. "Cook", "Cleaner", "Teacher", "Friend", "Disciplinarian", "Boo-Boo Fixer", "Household Exec", etc. It's like my stack is so high that I forget to take time to be who my soul and spirit were created to be. Who I really am somewhere deep down.

I think back to a time in life when I was me. I got to explore and learn and live and well, I was much more muchier.

I wonder where I can find my muchness as it appears to be hiding.

Valuable

When we first started attending the church we are currently attending during this transition time, the interim pastor was doing a sermon series called "Signatures". He spoke of the different names of God. One week, the signature was "Zoe".

In that sermon, Pastor Emery had three points.

~ Eternal life is redeemed life. (Colossians 1:13-14)

God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating. (The Message)

~ Eternal life is abundant life. (John 10:10)

~Eternal life is unending life. (John 3:16)

One of my favorite parts of the sermon was when Pastor Emery gave a definition for the word redeemed. He said REDEEMED: set free from that which depreciates my life. I thought that that was just the loveliest way to describe redemption. I'm rescued.

Isaiah 43:1 But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

I love that because Jesus is the one who has redeemed me, I am His kin. All my ways, are set aside and my worth and value is found in who I am IN Him. He appreciates my life in that all things that take away worth from me, are gone.

What a beautiful picture.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15)
(NLT)