You're not the same as you were before. You were much more...muchier. You've lost your muchness. (The Mad Hatter, Alice in Wonderland, 2010)
Somedays, I can relate. I resolved to be more patient and understanding and kind with my words towards my children at the beginning of January but as events unfolded, and now months have passed and I'm challenged by our circumstances, I find that I'm failing at my goal.
Easily frustrated and sometimes a person who doesn't even like herself.
Maybe part of what causes me to become frustrated and lose my cool is that I've lost my muchness. In doing all of the things that are required of me to be mom or wife, I misplaced Carmen. Somedays, I feel like I'm all hat. You've probably heard the illustration before. As a mom or wife we wear so many different hats during the day. "Cook", "Cleaner", "Teacher", "Friend", "Disciplinarian", "Boo-Boo Fixer", "Household Exec", etc. It's like my stack is so high that I forget to take time to be who my soul and spirit were created to be. Who I really am somewhere deep down.
I think back to a time in life when I was me. I got to explore and learn and live and well, I was much more muchier.
I wonder where I can find my muchness as it appears to be hiding.
I hope your find what you are looking for. I liked this post. The "Boo-Boo Fixer" was cute! :D
ReplyDeleteThanks, Susanne. I don't mean to imply that I'm not happy, because that's not the case. I am happily married with 3 amazing children. I guess sometimes, I just wish I had a little more time for my identity outside of those parts of me. :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to trying to find your true self. Who you are inside. I believe I've made progress. It takes prayer and looking deeply into yourself.
ReplyDeleteI feel that same way, Carmen. That's part of the reason I started TMP'ing again. It was an easy way to bring some of "me" back, because "me" likes to philosophize, debate, and just plain yack. lol
ReplyDeleteI've also decided that it will just be like this for quite awhile until they are grown up a bit. That's not meant to be discouraging or encouraging, it just is what it is. Motherhood. (sheesh, that is coming off cynical, but I am not meaning to be!)
Love ya, friend, and I have to admit, I have been slacking on praying for you lately. I am going to change that right now!
-Lisa C
Thanks for your encouragement, friends!
ReplyDeleteLisa, I do understand that this is part of who I am and that it will be like this for a while.
Thank you for praying for me! I'm praying you find housing that is affordable, cute, and meets your needs!